SOTW 4: Midnight Rider — The Allman Brothers Band (1971, Live at the Fillmore)

“I’ve got to run to keep from hiding / and I’m bound to keep on ridin’.”

I chose the Live at the Fillmore version because of its imperfection. Gregg Allman’s slightly off-key high notes. The mic feedback. The imperfection in running from what we don’t understand or can’t admit.

The acoustic guitar leads in like a man slipping out before anyone wakes up. The bass is the engine. The snare starts the motorcycle. Betty’s taxi pulls out of the driveway for a business trip. I open the garage door, fire up the Tiger, and start riding. Nobody to tell me no.

Riding away with the belief that “the road goes on forever.” Avoidance of mortality and current reality.

“I’ve got one more silver dollar.” The delusion. For me it was my motorcycle — my last token of absolute freedom. I had already told myself “I’m not going to let ‘em (her) catch me, no.”

The hypnotic rhythm drives the avoidance home. White line going by without destination. Moving endlessly away from the tension in the marriage, the tension in myself, the denial of what I couldn’t yet name. “And I don’t own the clothes I’m wearing.” Living a narrative that isn’t me. The persona undressed. Keep running.

Stopping would mean having to come to terms with my career, mortality, and the people I love.

“I’ve gone past the point of caring.”

Chapter 4 of Honest Miles drops on Sunday.